FAHQ
FAH-Q (fŭk kyōō) or Frequent Ass-Holish Questions
1. Do you really piss in cheerios?
No, I prefer Frosted Flakes because that fucking Tiger really grrrrrates on my nerves.
2. Are you really a professional ninja?
Yes, and me and my ninja clan have been staking out your family’s house for 3 days. Be prepared.
3. Aren’t you also the founder of Phattitudes.com, a positive, personal growth website? How can you be so hypocritical?
Because that’s the way the Cheerios crumble bitchface. But also, because I can and you can’t, so stop whining and get over it. Also, shut up.
4. Don’t you think you’re setting a bad example for your kids? And for all children?
No. But I think you are for being such a wussyfied baby.
5. Some of the stuff you say is politcally incorrect and downright cruel. Aren’t you worried about what Jesus thinks of you?
No conozco a Jesús. Lo siento. [Translated = Jesus blows, Fuck off]. I don’t believe in fairy tale crap like Jesus and God and the Easter Bunny. Total waste of time. So don’t even bother thumping me with your ever-popular fiction novels - aka the bible. I burn bibles to stay warm in the winter.
6. You’re going to Hell. Repent for your sins now SINNER!!!
If by hell you mean that midget strip bar down the street, then yes. And if by repent you mean let a lesbian midget lick salt off my nipples when we do tequila shots, then okay, I will.
7. Is anything safe from your scorn and blasphemous comments?
No. Well, except my first child whom I miscarried when I was 7. I keep her in a jar under my pillow.
8. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Alive
9. Can I ask yo–
NO! Shut up.
