Earlier this morning, as I was walking Peanut the Weiner Dog Wonder, I observed him urinating in various spots all over the neighborhood. Mostly, he peed on other animals’ feces. Which, I must say, is curiously troubling. Personally, I think I’d have trouble peeing on someone else’s poo.
Anypoot, it occurs to me as I watch the stream of yellow pee splash on the poopy, that there must be some sort of Alpha Lesbian out there. Like the uber Lesbo, who rules the roost of all lesbians on Earth.
Just like Peanut marking his territory with pee, so must a Lesbian be marking her territory with… well, I’m not sure with what, but I bet it smells funny.
I bet she’s fierce. She’s probably like the Chuck Norris of Lesbians, roundhouse-kicking faux lesbians and part-time bi chicks into oblivion. And she can crush diamonds with her hands and stuff. She’s put the fear into me. I’m afraid she’ll sniff me and call me a faker or something and banish me from Lesbiandom forever and ever.
I’ll be excommunicated before my lesbianism has even begun. Crap! I need some sort of strength training or something. Like Lesbian Camp for the Lesbian-at-heart. I can go, do all sorts of exercises and stuff, and come out like a Lezzy champ. Woo!
So, I think it is time I took the plunge. Yes, I am going to write a craigslist ad. [Dun dun dun!]
Not so much because I desire a woman as because I’m scared to death of the Alpha Lez.
