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Friday Rant: Women for Women
By KeMari | September 21, 2007
No, this is not a craigslist.org ad.
This is a rant about women.
But KeMari, you may ask, why would you rant about your own kind? Are you not a woman too?
Yes, I am. And I am big proponent of empowered women. What I am not a fan of is women against other women. We are all alike, even in our differences. Whether we seek to be a CEO of our own company or truly enjoy being a housewife, we are all in this together.
I, for one, am damn sick of seeing and hearing other women pit themselves against each other. Shouldn’t we be encouraging our sisters, instead of coveting their husbands or boyfriends? Shouldn’t we embrace our sisters instead of talking trash behind their backs? Shouldn’t we praise our sisters instead of despising their triumphs?
Why does this female animosity still reign so strong in today’s world? After all the struggles and obstacles that women as a whole have had to endure and overcome, we still go for each other’s jugulars. It needs to stop.
Women are the mothers of this Earth. Women are the softness. Women are the strength. Women are the courage. We are the healers, the protectors of family, the nurses of the wounded; we are the kissers of boo-boos, the bearer of children, the enforcers of compassion.
Stop these woman on woman crimes. Stop loathing your friends’ for their successes. Stop letting yourself be eaten with jealousy over smaller waist sizes. Stop feeding into the female stereotypes: the hair color stereotypes, the fashion stereotypes, the weight stereotypes. Stop it all. It’s ugly. It’s the ugliest thing of all.
We don’t want to be ugly; not that kind of ugly. That kind of ugly twists itself in your stomach and eats its way through your skin. Don’t be ugly.
Try to open your eyes and see what we have overcome. Smile at your fellow women. Don’t harrass or ignore the woman with two crying children; help her. All it takes is a smile or nod of understanding. Don’t cut off the woman who changed lanes and got in front of you; let her in front of you. She might just have an emergency that requires her supermom powers.
And most importantly, don’t call other women a bitch. It’s vulgar and nasty and nothing good comes from it. Yes, some of us might choose to label ourselves a ‘bitch’, to recycle the vulgarity and derogatoriness of the word and force a new meaning of strength and determination. But it’s never okay to down another woman with vulgar labels.
Sticks and stones might not break bones, but they do pierce self-esteem. Let’s try to remember that; not just today, but forever.
Discussion Qs: Are you a woman that has ever participated in a catty fight with another woman? If you are a man, what do you feel about women who hate on other women? How many of you have unfairly judged another woman based on appearance or hearsay?
Tags: Phattitudes |
Of course I have. Did it get me any where? No. Not in the long run. Never does. The concept (can’t we all just get along) is a noble one, but one I don’t see happening anytime soon. Sadly.
Well, I don’t expect miracles but like I said down below, we should cut our fellow women a little slack and ease up on the unnecessary hatred.
If it’s deserved, fine, so be it, but to have this automatic dislike for other women is ridiculous and callow if you ask me.
I guess I can only hope.
I have to disagree with you on this one. I won’t agree with someone or support someone’s opinion or choices just because they’re a woman any more than I like it when men stick together because they’re “one of the boys”.
Each person deserves to be valued (or not) based on what they do or say. It’s my hope that we start to treat each other like people and not just like women.
I’m not into the whole sisterhood ideal.
Ah I knew this would be brought up.
Don’t get me wrong, I agree with you to a certain degree… basically I’m referencing the UNNECESSARY cattiness among women.
It irritates me when I’m with a group of women who just blatantly hate another woman based on something she is wearing, or not wearing, or because she is well off or has a sexy husband. These things are superficial and rather than be catty, I personally think we should salute women for what they achieve.
That’s not to say there aren’t women out there who might not deserve our respect and might very well deserve to be ostracized but in the long run I think we should cut each other a little slack.
Well, there’s nothing quite so enchanting as having your opinion called ‘predictable’.
Jayne, you are anything but predictable my dear. I merely meant that I knew it would be brought up and I told myself I should have clarified in my rant, but alas I was too lazy. I always try to think of every side of an argument or rant, generally because I’m able to debate both sides. And on one hand, I am in full agreement with my rant, and on the ‘pissing in cheerios’ side, I am in full agreement with yours. But Katie nailed my example.
I don’t think she is saying agree with her because she’s a woman. KeMari is pointing out that we tend to base our feelings and actions on superficial reason, like you hate a woman because she has more money.
Also the idea that if you man cheats on you, the women tend to blame the other woman and go after her instead of placing the blame where it really belongs. That is what KeMari means.
We, as women, tend to base our actions and feelings about another woman based on superficial reasons. Some even go out of their way to be mean to one that doesn’t fit their “standards” This is what she means
Can I get an amen… er awomen?!
everyone hates my crazyASS kids… who are resistant to my superMOM powers MOST of the time.
don’t hate!!!
hehe. Excellent post!
~2
I don’t hate your kids. I lurves them.
I hate people based on their actions. I know that I have unfairly judged women based on superficial things before, but I’ve also done it to men. (Like a guy with a popped collar is automatically a douchebag.)
I have to go to work now but I’ll come back later and say more.
Well, I don’t feign innocence on this either. I have done it quite often, and probably still will.
That doesn’t mean I don’t get irritated at myself for it. It is wrong. I think it’s whats wrong with a lot of our society. Our social skills have gone down the proverbial toilet because of our automatic intolerance of people based on ridiculous prejudgments.
If it’s deserved, fine. If not, geez, just back off ya know?
I know that I can’t stand to have people judge me or dislike me because of a stereotype or something else that is trivial.
So I am trying hard not to do it to others. Even if sometimes I want to so bad.
Listen, Bitch, I’ll fight with who I want to fight with.
I think people should just have kindness and compassion for everyone everywhere across the board, regardless of gender, race, creed, etc.
Chances are though, if you have to stop and remind people to be kind, you are wasting your breath. Mean and stupid people will always be mean and stupid; well, for the most part anyway. An occasional miracle will happen every now and then.
-lainalaninalainalainaLAIINAAAAHHHHH
My darling Lailai,
you are one of those who has this bitch cloak on but inside are one of the most amazing, kindest, most compassionate women I have ever had the misfortune to piss off
And you are right, I, nor anyone else, should have to remind people to be kind. I know it’s a waste of breath, but hey, what can I say, I’m a stickler for breathing for no reason
xo,
Kems
Baby, you’re the greatest! You know that, right?
No way! You ah!
When I was younger I wasn’t into hanging out with other girls at all but now that I’m older I love and value my women friends more and more. As I sort of become an adult I realize how much I appreciate being around people who sort of understand my twisted psyche and crazy hormonal actions!
I know what you mean. I had 1 or 2 really good girl friends in high school and middle school, but mostly I was friends with guys. There wasn’t that cattiness, that petty need to fight over minor stuff.
Nowadays though, I love to see women empowered and overcoming all the damn obstacles we face. Yeah, some women annoy me (not mentioning names coughParisHiltoncough) but hey, I can’t begrudge her the fame and fortune. Even if she does make me cringe.
And you made an awesome point: if anyone understand these wacky hormonal rampages, its other women!
Yes, I got in to it before with another woman. Funny, she approached me in a way where I thought we might find common ground, in fact, one of the things she said to me was, “women spend entirely too much time hating each other.” I agree with that statement, so I tried handling the situation in an open and mature manner. This, of course, is while she was stabbing me in the back.
So… Yes, in my world, girls (women) stick together, but there are exceptions to the rule.
You won’t catch me disputing that there are definite exceptions, but as a whole, we shouldn’t be downing each other. Everyone should earn respect and admiration, but no one deserves to be hated and judged without evidence.
In the past, I have hurt and been hurt by women in large ways. Since I was about 20, I have been blessed in that the women who have become apart of my life and stuck around are ones that empower me, love me, encourage me and are honest with me (when envy or threat or any other emotion of that nature rears its head - it becomes a source of laughter and intimacy). I have developed a certain female code of ethics, I try to do unto others as I would have done to me. Which means little things like: I try to move with respect around other women and make myself a friend, not a threat. This amounts to little things I am aware of like if Dan and I are going to go spend time with another couple, I don’t wear some tight, low cut shirt - it isn’t the occasion, I can wear that stuff when it is Dan and I flaunting our stuff for one another but when I am chilling with friends there is no need. It is a small petty thing but I think about those details. LIke when I first meet a new woman and I can tell she might be a bit hesitant about me, I try to make it obvious upfront that I am one big-ass goofball. But in the end, I am not willing to bend myself to accomodate someone who isn’t willing to accept me and love me for all that I am because that is what I will attempt to do for my friends. I try not to judge back when I find a female does not move with the same respect for other females but I stay clear of her and try to accept her from a good distance.
I can’t stand the cattiness between women. I figured out a long time ago that if I ever got married, it would be to a woman who didn’t act like that. She is so down on herself that she doesn’t worry about others. We have been working on her self-esteem issues for 13 years now, and she can finally take a compliment without getting upset.
As far as hating on others for what they look like, I can’t say that I have. I look at all women as potential sex objects. Not necessarily for myself, but for others who are lacking.
This is a great post, a great topic and inspired some deep comments. Alegra really hit home for me. I’ve never been a fighter. I’ve always just genuinely liked women and want all of us to succeed. I had a roommate who hated me when I was making more money than her and she treated me horribly. When I was down and out she was more comfortable. I still know her and although I’m a little wary, I don’t have any anger. I think people in general have insecurities and they respond based on those, not based on who you are. I like the “code of ethic” Alegra mentioned though. It’s important for us to be discerning and select people to be in our lives who support who we are and all of our dreams. That’s how we grow and evolve the planet.
Alegra always hits home. She’s a good one, that girl is.
It’s hard not to let these insecurities and jealousies reign over our actions, it’s inbred in us to react that way, but it irritates me when I see people unnecessarily hateful and cruel based on such superficialities.
xo,
Kem
[…] and eventually there’s real feeling behind statements like that. It sort of goes along with Kemari’s latest post. People criticize each other for things that they’re jealous of instead of congratulating the […]
I agree with this sentiment. We can be a catty bunch. I admit that i have done my share of gossiping about woman or hating them based on superficial things, especially as a teenage.
It all stems down to self esteem. The better you feel about yourself, you won’t have the need to put other women down to make yourself feel better.
As I have grown older I find myself enjoying the company of guys more because they don’t seem to have the issues that women do.
As a teacher once told me, they prefer it when the guys fight because once they fight the issues is resolved. When girls fight it doesn’t end it just gets more vicious. Which begs the question besides self esteem why are we at each other’s throats?
one of the best rants i’ve read in a long while.
there’s enough nastiness in this world to go ’round without us bitchin’ about bitches.
seriously.
can’t we all just get along?
peace love and puppies.
H
Exactly.
We don’t all deserve respect, but kindness can go a long way and everyone deserves kindness.
KeMari -
I just re-read my comment to you and realized it appeard as though I did not agree with your post - and that’s not at all how it was intended.
Actually, I often find myself wondering why women, in particular, have a hard time being supportive. It blows my mind. That’s all I meant - not that your post is negative and not a valid rant.
That’s all
[…] Friday Rant: Women for Women […]
Why does this female animosity still reign so strong in today’s world? Insecurity.
Just like the bully on the playground women often seek to boost their own floundering self-esteem by degrading other women. I’ve gotten snide remarks and barbed comments my whole life from women because of my weight.
I don’t like unnecessary aggro. Too many women hate each other for pointless reasons. It’s tiring listening to it. I’ve been long decided that I don’t need it. I’ve been let down by every female in my life, like ever, so I can’t say I’m close to any but all that know me know better than to gossip and bitch about other women over their looks, their home or any other stupid, superficial reason because I won’t be a part of that again. It’s seriously not worth the time.
I’ve been guilty of it myself but I don’t like the kind of person that turns me into so now I try to avoid it. It’s like we’re born with this deep jealous, judgemental chip on our shoulder, a need to keep some people on the outside, make people feel bad about themselves but really we’re turning ourselves into horrible, bitter people. Good post, I’ll shut up now